Who?
Alexandra
Where?
Berlin, Germany
What?
"You are doing an amazing job! The way you interact with the customers is really, really beautiful."
How did she react?
"Oooh, thank you!"
How did I feel?
Gentrification happens everywhere. Urban areas around the world fight over rising rents. Landlords, tenants, companies and politicians, they all battle. If you live in a city you have been there: No party without a guest's "gentri sucks!" monologue, no neighborhood without at least one critical mural.
My room mate and I's rent will be higher from January on, for no particular reason. We are no millionaires; Studying philosophy is the antidote to making cash on the spot. I am good at contemplating on monetary reality and its epistemology! But while I do that my balance stays as leveled as Northern German landscapes.
So I need legal assistance. Is my landlord even allowed to raise our rent? In Germany there are associations offering legal advice to tenants for very little money. Last Monday I went to one them and asked for counseling. Coming in spontaneously I had a one hour waiting time ahead of me. Alexandra, the counter lady, explained everything to me with an open smile on her face. While I had a coffee and listened to the click clack of the clock I watched her attend upon others. She calmly repeated what she had told me and did not for a second sound like she had been saying these words over and over again for years. She made everyone feel like they were the most important people in the room. Listening carefully, nodding sympathetically, answering clearly. And she cracked jokes. Good jokes.
While I observed the situation I suddenly remembered I had seen her before. Four years ago I had lived in the same neighborhood and had consulted the same tenant's association. And: Alexandra had been there, covering the front desk shift. I smiled. I love when, in huge places like Berlin, things stay the same. After my appointment with the lawyer (which unfortunately did not leave me full of hope) I passed Alexandra again and asked her if she'd really been around that long. She put down her Terry Pratchett book, grinned, and said: "I have been here forever!". I complimented her. I could tell she was thrilled. It was a sweet moment. 
It's funny: Though I really want my living situation to be peaceful I can't wait for the day that I am in trouble with my landlord again so I can go and enjoy Alexandra's service. 
Thanks, Alexandra!

Who?
Me!
Where?
Berlin, Germany
What?
"Your music is really beautiful!" 
How did I react?
"Oh, thank you!"
How did I feel?
Today I received a compliment! I had been busking at Gesundbrunnen for hours when  a little boy came running. He planted himself in front of me and looked at me sharply. A few bars later I realized he really needed to tell me something. I interrupted my playing, and said: 
Me: "Hi!"
Him: "Hi! Your music is really beautiful!" 
Me: "Oh thank you! That is very sweet of you!"
Him: "Do you live here?"
Me: "Here? In the station?" 
Him: "No. I mean, do you own a house?"
Me: "Do I own a house?"
Him: "Yeah!" 
Me: "Oh, am I homeless!? Ah, I get it." I laughed. "No, I mean, yeah, I live in an apartment. You are sweet but no worries. What's your name?"
Him: "Philip!"
Me: "Hi Philip! I am Rosa. Nice to meet you."
Him: "Someone just fainted back there!"
Me: "Oh, really?"
Him: "Yeah! A guy, actually he fainted in the SBahn, The paramedics are with him now."
Me: "Oha!"
Him: "Happy christmas! No, merry new year, no, wait, I mean, merry christmas and a happy new year!"
Me: "Merry christmas Philip! Take care!"

This was my favorite interaction all day. 

Who?
Ulu
Where?
Berlin, Germany
What?
"Your antipasti are incredible! So, so, so (so!) good! Thanks for creating such delicious food." 
How did he react?
"That flows down like warm linseed oil!" (*)
How did I feel?
Ulu flew me to heaven before I met him. This morning I was lucky to try several of his pastes at a friend's place. I tried one after the other, going from "Mhh.." to "Oouh..." all the way to "Aeewwhhh!". It was a journey. They were rich, well-flavored and tasted one hundred percent individual. 
My favorite ones were the red beet salad with olives (center) and the lentil burger (top left):

The red beet went perfectly well together with the olives. The result was sweet, flavorful and somehow... rounded. The lentil ball reminded me of Çiğ köfte only better- because spicier and more "lentilish". Coming from me that is a great thing for lentil soup used to be my absolute favorite kind of food.


My friend, who has Ulu's marvels regularly, had been raving, too, about his personality during breakfast. I knew I wanted to meet the person behind those delicacies- and encounter the great guy she had described. So I stopped by his shop at noon and gave thanks and my compliment. She had been right about him: Once I started talking the sweetest smile appeared on his face! He said, "this flows down like warm linseed oil" (*), then he kept repeating how he was enjoying to hear such words. "Because, you know", he added, "when you put all that effort into creating these things, it's so good to get positive feedback..:" 
While we chatted another customer entered. She joined our conversation, saying, "Yeah, Ulu is the best! In fact my whole family agrees. Every time my son visits from Munich I have to buy some Ulu Antipasti in advance, because my boy doesn't get such good mediterranean delicacies down there, can you believe it?" 
Ulu nodded, grinned, beamed with joy. 
When I asked him to smile for the camera he cried, "for such a compliment- always!". He left the counter and happily posed. It was personified sweetness.
Before I left he shook my hand and gave me a bag of sweet chestnuts, for free, adding, "it comes from the heart."
Ulu: Thank you so much! Those chestnuts were delicious- Of course they were.

(*) Note: This is a typical German expression. The English equivalent is "That's music to my ears." 
I have been brainstorming. Why in the world do the Germans have that idiom? What does it mean? "This flows down like butter"- As a kid, -- actually, until two minutes ago -- I used to imagine a bucketful of oil running down someone's entire skin, starting at the head. Picture this: A person, fully covered in butter! And that is supposed to be a good thing; You only use the idiom when you are absolutely delighted about someone's compliment. Really!? Who wants to be showered in oil?!
Thinking about it now I guess it means swallowing some butter instead of it running down one's skin- Or maybe something else? 
Ideas welcome! This really keeps me occupied...

Who?
Tommaso
Where?
Berlin, Germany
What?
"I dig the way you dress. Sitting across from you is always an aesthetic pleasure." 
How did he react?
His face opened up: "Oh! Thank you. I don't think I have heard that before..." 
How did I feel?
Tommaso is not a stranger. I see him three times a week. Together we learn all about ser and estar. Our teacher Maria Jesus introduces words to us that are untranslatable, such as my new favorite one: Cariño (This notion sums up all the good things there are; Affection, love, darling, cute, pretty, warmth- and countless others.). Spanish is fun. Or at least--Interesting. And always good looking, with Tommaso in class. Because this man knows how to dress. He wears black for the most part, plus a wide blue coat and a beige backpack. His clothes are unique, yes, but more importantly they suit him perfectly:  His shirt looks like a custom uniform and when he storms out after class his coat beats its wings. I always think of Lucius Malfoy disapparating. There is a difference between Tommaso and Malfoy though. While Malfoy devotes his life to the dark side, Tommaso likes to hide his smile behind a bit of grumpiness and cynicism- but anyone can sense he is actually a warm-hearted person. When he does smile his eyes sparkle. His laughter carries people away. With his calm and steady voice he contributes to an open yet focused learning atmosphere.
To be honest this compliment did not happen today. But: I just thought of it and decided to write about Tommaso. Partially because I like him. And because I realized that astonished reactions are among my favorite ones. Tommaso was totally surprised and for once I did not get a snappy joke but an open eyed "Thank you! I have not heard that one before." from him. Plus I was surprised myself: The man is attractive and looks like he takes a second to consider what he buys for clothing. How could he not have heard that one before? My by the way: compliment dropped between two group tasks turned into two way surprise. We had a real encounter. I don't experience these a lot at my new school - for now- mostly because the university is massive, and I am still getting used to everything.
That day, when I returned to my seat I heard him say to his neighbor: "What a positive vibe...!", still honestly touched. 
Thanks a lot for that moment, Tommaso, it made my day. See you back in class! Looking forward. 

Who?
Maurice and John
Where?
Berlin, Germany
What?
"You guys radiate with calm and at the same time you are open and friendly.. I really enjoyed meeting you!" 
How did they react?
Maurice: "Thank you!"
John: "Thanks! But you know, it's a two way street. Communicating is easier when the other side reflects openness.."
How did I feel?
Have you ever liked someone instantly? First eye contact, and you knew. Right?
That's what happened with Maurice and John. They were waltzing down Pannierstraße on a Sunday morning when I stopped them. My friend wanted a cigarette so I said: "Do you smoke?" They looked at me, both of them, and had that smile in their eyes. Yes, they could help the nicotine craving. While my friend rolled his butt Maurice and John became our breakfast table neighbors. Overhearing bits of their conversation I was lucky to catch their grounded and pleasant vibe. When the four of us chatted later I found out that John (on the left) is from Tel Aviv and Maurice originally from the Ruhrpott. They didn't mind sharing pieces of their stories- but it was less the words and rather their overall being that put a smile on my face. 
My friend and I left, then suddenly, I stopped and said: "These guys are my candidates!" I went back and told them. They proved my gut feeling right once more: Maurice's face lit up and his eyes grew wide. His "thank you." was a true I am feeling what you shared with me and it feels nice kind of thank you. The compliment went from heart to heart. When that happens it is ultimate pleasure. As is getting one back which happened with John. 
I left, feeling connected, happy and in love with this project. 
Thanks for making me feel this way, Maurice and John!

Who?
The Anonymous Inspector
Where?
Berlin, Germany
What?
"You are doing a great job!"
How did he react?
"It's fine..."
How did I feel?
Let's face it: There is an asshole in all of us. No, not the one at the bottom of our back. I am talking about the jerk living in everyone. In me. In you. Even Gandhi, I am sure, acted like a total douchebag sometimes. No one has been born an angel, at least no one I have ever heard of. Thankfully! It makes us human. And, in fact, being selfish is a skill. Think about healthy egoism. Don't donate if you barely have enough to nourish yourself. Ignore the child crying next to you for a minute and put on your own oxygen mask first. Life is not all cupcakes and unicorns: Conflicts exist and if your basic needs are at stake you have to stand up for them. Act. Disappoint others if necessary. Take care of yourself, no one else will do it for you. Let them call you a jerk, an idiot, an asshole and go with it. 
But what if you act like a true ass? What if you just treat them horribly and take your load out on them? 
I did that yesterday. I was a complete douche. 
Reasons? Sure! I had just written an exam and was devastated. I was sick. And sad. And I am getting immersed in the Berlin culture again which means Be as harsh as you can! And... If I brainstormed long enough I could come up with ten more reasons but that is not the point. The point is I messed up. There is always a story, but a story is not a free ticket to messing with people. Here is what happened: 
Sitting in the Ubahn after the exam I leaned my head against the window. All I wanted was to come home, get out of my wet shoes, close the door behind me and sleep. After days and days of studying there was nothing I craved more than decompression. Counting down stops I was interrupted by two words: "Ticket, please." Without looking up I took out my student ID (which works as a ticket, too) and pointed it in the direction of the voice. A moment later I heard, "ID, please.", and responded, "I don't have one.". I kept gazing into space. "License? Passport?" I said, "Nah. But I can show you this-" and pulled out an insurance card that has my picture. A few seconds passed. Then the voice said: "That does not work. Please get off the train with me." 
Now I looked up. And lost it. "Seriously!? I have a wallet full of random chip cards displaying my name and you are pulling me out? For real!? Every one of your coworkers accepts the insurance card! This is unbelievable! Are you really-", "Yes", he said. "I am." The guy stayed absolutely calm. The rest of the train was quiet. I left the train with him, storming on: "What the fuck!? I am so freaking broke right now and you are making me pay for not carrying my passport around! Guess what, I can't do that because if it gets stolen I cannot leave this country and I do that often." He shrugged. "Get an ID then. I need your address." I gave it to him. Then I added: "And I will need your name. I am going to complain about you." The minute I said that I knew I had no reason to. Even though I was immersed in fury and frustration I realized this was coming from a place far away from my heart.  I just said it to - yeah, why? Prove my power? Scare him? In fact it was ridiculous. The guy was doing his job, and he was doing it correctly. For my student ID to serve as a ticket I have to prove my identity. On top of doing what he was paid for he stayed absolutely neutral and did not for second let my behavior get to him. And then something unexpected happened.
What he did next changed everything. I am not sure why he did it and I do wonder. Maybe it was because I threatened to write a letter. I know the ticket inspectors are recruited at the employment agency and that some of them have been in jail before. I am not saying that applies to him- but who knows what his story is and if someone else had complained about him before I said I was going to. Or if he just wanted to get rid of me as quick as possible. Or maybe he aimed at embarrassing me- either way, eventually, after taking all my data, he teared the paper and let me go. 
And I was: Personified shame. Stammering, "Sorry, it's not your fault, I just wrote an exam", I stuck with my unfriendly voice, sounding like I was attacking him. I was not ready to fully admit: I just acted like a total jerk. I left, as quick as possible. 

Let me tell you this: That man has a shitty job to start with. Everyone hates the ticket inspectors. On top of that they get a bonus for each catch, so the whole situation is set up to turn into war. And then there is people like me who take it out on them. The theory is simple: There is rules and I did not follow. If you don't follow the rules there will be consequences. Sure, you can argue that the system sucks. But blaming those workers won't change a thing except make life worse for them. 
The minute I left the station I knew I was going to email the company he works for. Report to them that there was this very skilled man in their team who did a great job. This way, maybe, I could change something for him. Plus, if he had let me go because he was concerned about my letter of made up complaint, it would be a small thing to make up for it all.
And I was going to write about him. I knew all that was not necessary. The man would live and forget about me. But I wanted to make a difference. Plus, I felt like shit. So I started this post....-

...And today, a little miracle happened. 
I saw him again. 
Getting off at my home stop I spotted him noting down someone else's data. At first he did not notice me. I sneaked around him and just peeked at the ID that was displayed on his bag. Quickly I wrote down his employee number, turned around and walked for a few steps, thinking "I will just write about him."
Then I stopped. Because I had realized: I was being a coward. Instead of confronting him I planned to escape into the online realm, write about him here and email his company, then leave it to be.The real thing was going back and apologizing. And I did. 
I told him that I had treated him awfully yesterday and that I was really, really sorry. That he had just been doing his job and- that's when he interrupted me. He smiled and said: "It's fine. Don't worry." 
It's fine. Don't worry. And a heartfelt smile. That was it. I was speechless. What a person!

This man taught me something: Complimenting and apologizing are related, If you compliment a stranger you let your guard down. You never know how he or she will react yet you are being honest and open to them. Apologizing, especially after a scene like the one I made yesterday, means you are throwing you guard all the way back where it came from- and you bow down. It is like jumping from a diving platform. The moment before feels like the scariest thing ever. But once you do it it is simple. And quick. And afterwards you are so, so happy.
...And a wee bit proud. 
Thank you, number 87562 for that encounter. Thanks for your patience and for letting go, yesterday me and today the conflict. You are amazing.
Anything else?
I did email his boss. Though he is probably never going to read this post (unless I see him a third time) I hope he will somehow receive my words- writing that letter of  praise felt good. I should do that more often.

Hey there,
Thanks for visiting!
Though I attempt at posting every day I am in wrestling with midterm exams right now. That's why I won't post until tomorrow. Keeping up the complimenting (today: I complimented on a well written essay, a cool pair of shoes, the enormous niceness of a friend, my fellow student's amazing Spanish pronunciation, another fellow student's smart thought on pragmatism, a Greek woman's German, - I'll stop here and get back to studying. Otherwise I could have just written a full post.)
Have a great day and hope to see you tomorrow!
Yours,
Rosa 

Who?
Christa
Where?
Berlin, Germany
What?
"I love your freckles! They are so beautiful!"
How did she react?
"Oh, really? Well, you are the only one to do that.." 
How did I feel?
There is a German 80ies song that goes like this: "Ich bin ja so verschossen in deine Sommersprossen." ("I am nuts about your freckles!"). As a child I got that melody a lot even though my freckles are not half as full on as Christa's. I have some around my nose, hers covered her whole face. I thought she looked incredibly unique and beautiful! When I let her know she disagreed. Then she contemplated for a moment and said: "You know what, the only good thing about them is they cover my age marks and no one can tell which one is what!" I shook my head and smiled. "Good point! But not mine. I just think they're really pretty. And I don't consider age marks ugly either." She responded, "Well, thank you!". Then I asked her: "Are you a true Berliner? I dig your accent!" And she said, yes, from Spandau. We chatted for a moment but soon my stop was announced. I got up and said goodbye, thankful once again for a beautiful encounter. 

Who?
Brigitte 
Where?
Berlin, Germany
What?
"You spread a gorgeous, friendly, warm vibe! I have been watching you from across the room and couldn't take my eyes off of you. You glowed when your were talking."
How did she react?
When I approached Brigitte she was putting on her coat, ready to leave. I introduced myself and told her she was my compliment candidate. She said, "Wait a second, I have to sit back down. I want to enjoy that." 
Her two friends, Edda and Ingrid, cheered, "Brigitte! Can you feel it? It's Christmas time!" We all laughed. 
Brigitte was a bit speechless once I had complimented her. Then she said, "thank you, that is so nice of you!"
How did I feel?
Before this happened I had been peeking at Brigitte for about 30 minutes from across the room, my school's eating hall. I saw her explaining something to her friends, gesturing, smiling and -- glowing. That was really what she did. Her face shone like a fireplace full of embers: There was a certain calm and a certain fire. Watching her filled me with life and joy. 
When I complimented her I could tell that she really received it, her eyes became soft and wide. It was beautiful. Her friends and she were down for a chat, they told me they lunch in the canteen every Wednesday after class. Class? Yeah, they take part in a senior education program in which they can take a bunch of classes and go on field trips with professors. They seemed amazed, dropped some of the professors names who had impressed them much and told me they have been participating in the program for years. And: Even during summer- and spring break these three graces meet in the canteen once per week and chat. Good for the canteen! I have not been with three ladies who laugh as much, listen as closely and think as sharply in a long while. Our conversation was even more uplifting than just watching Brigitte and them from afar. Thank you, Brigitte, Edda, and Ingrid!